What is a Vampire Cactus?

By Rob Beecher
7:42 PM

I thought an explanation would be useful.

A Vampire Cactus is pretty self-explanatory. At first glance, it appears to be nigh but a (mostly) harmless cactus. Vampire Cacti tend to take over unused pottery to create their home, much like the hermit crab.

A widely unknown fact about the vampire cactus is that it is able to move itself. The roots of a vampire cactus are quite strong, and actually contain muscle tissue. A vampire cactus, once settled into its new home, will dig small holes in the bottom of their pottery. Especially strong roots will stick out through the bottom, allowing the vampire to scuttle along most flat land. Unfortunately, it doesn't move very fast. This is not much of a problem for the vampire cactus, for it does not have many natural predators.

Those brave herbivores that would attempt to eat a cactus will be unpleasantly surprised upon getting to close to a vampire cactus. This is because the vampire cactus, like the venus fly trap, is a carnivore, feeding off the small bits of flesh and blood of animals. The spikes that stick out of its body are actually retractable. When prey approaches, they will rapidly extend, skewering the creature. The vampire cactus will then extend its special extraction roots through the holes at the bottom of its pot to suck the nutrients out of the dead animal.

Also, vampire cacti are known to enjoy nineteenth century literature and poetry.
 

2 comments so far.

  1. Michael December 13, 2008 at 3:08 PM
    the design of your blog header is quite phallic. the shadow of the cactus eerily resembles that of erect male genitalia
  2. Unknown December 14, 2008 at 9:02 PM
    with spikes on it...

Something to say?